Texas TE coach leaves wife for a $tripper named “Pole Assassin” (complete with a Jerry Springer appearance) who has a pet monkey who ends up biting a kid on Halloween so bad the monkey’s jaw had to be pried open.
https://twitter.com/thomasgcampbell/status/1455308414607892485?s=21
I’d say things in Austin can’t get any worse.
Probably the coolest thing thats ever happened in austin. That place blows.
That sounds terrible. I hope the kid is okay.
It is Halloween
That’s asst head coach Jeff Banks, he’ll have you know. And the man has a type, he can’t help that and he won’t apologize for it.
It was probably a marmoset. Those things get crazy but their mouth is the size of a small peanut.
Sad if true.
It’s a good thing that Texas doesn’t have a coach with a drinking problem who would hire “someone like that”.
This just in: UT’s public information department is changing school mottos from “Don’t Mess With Texas” to “Don’t Monkey Around With Texas”.
Oh, and Bevo is seeking a vote of confidence and a contract extension.
Sue the Mofo!
I hope my girlfriend’s monkey never does that.
I’m so filled with anticipation that my genitals have sucked up into my body cavity.
Can we book Pole Assassin and Mauling Monkey for a basketball halftime show?
Well, here’s what we’ve all been waiting for, her and him and it. Frankly, it’s more than a little letdown.
The whole story sounds like something out of a comedy.
I agree…you couldn’t drop acid and make this**** up…
This report comes close…close mind you…to the TU running back (the Hawkins Hurricane) running naked through backyards in an Austin neighborhood back in the 80’s…
Still my all time favorite…
Surly is having a hilarious field day with it. Banks, I guess, was responsible for the Ill fated fake punt vs Baylor.
Hank Scorpio
We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an even worse fake punt, and then you hear a monkey screeching and see a little pirate covered in blood running around your front yard and you pour yourself another drink
Apparently, Banks was rumored for the Wazzou job as he’s a former Wazzou player
Do you think that Herman introduced the two on a “recruiting trip”?
Barstool Sports
@barstoolsports
Texas since this moment: 19-12 record 12-10 in conference 1 coach fired 1 scandal involving their special teams coach, a stripper named Pole Assassin and her domesticated monkey that attacked a trick-or-treater
0:04 / 0:06
Share this Tweet
©Copyright 2017 Coogfans.com
